


Bizarre Isn't Even the Right Word

by Catw00man



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Bulldogs, Community: fma_fic_contest, Dog(s), Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-10
Updated: 2013-01-10
Packaged: 2017-11-25 01:32:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/633665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catw00man/pseuds/Catw00man
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ed takes in a new pet that has the entire office in an uproar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bizarre Isn't Even the Right Word

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so this was written back when we had a new addition to our household who somehow made his way into the story! I don’t know if any of you have ever been around English Bulldogs, but let me just say…they are quiet interesting. LOL Anyway, I hope you enjoy this as when I was writing it was with a bulldog snoring and snorting beside me! 
> 
>  
> 
> Written for the [fma_fic_contest](http://fma-fic-contest.livejournal.com) where it took 3rd place for the prompt: _Bizarre_  
> 

  


“What is it?” Havoc arches an eyebrow and reaches for the cigarette behind his ear as Ed walks in the office with an animal waddling beside him on a leash.

“What does it look like, Havoc? It’s a bulldog.” Ed scowls at Havoc and reaches down to pet the rotund animal with short ivory hair. His coat has a few patches of light brown and he leans heavily against Ed’s leg as he scratches his brown speckled ears.

“Why does it sound like a pig?” Falman stops halfway to Hawkeye’s desk, reports in hand, as he stares at the strange animal.

“It’s not a pig,” Ed snaps as he rubs at one of the folds in the large dog’s neck and the animal responds with a few happy snorts. “He’s a dog. He’s a _nice_ dog.”

“It still sounds like a pig.” Falman tilts his head then wrinkles his nose. “Did it, just, pass gas?”

“ _HE_ is not a pig!” Ed stamps his foot and the dog tilts his head at him then leans against his leg again, letting out a loud bletch as he gets comfortable. Ed looks down at him and shrugs before scratching his ears again. “And I don’t know, maybe. He did just have lunch.”

“Well I for one grew up in the country and I can tell you that’s _not_ a pig.” Havoc lights his cigarette and tilts back in his chair as he kicks his feet on his desk, work temporarily forgotten. Hawkeye shoots him a glare that he completely ignores in favor of Ed’s little monster.

“Thanks for that gem of wisdom, Havoc.” Ed rolls his eyes in irritation. “I told you already. He’s a bulldog and his name is Winston.”

“Winston? That’s a very interesting name for a dog, Edward.” Hawkeye leans forward to look over her desk at the bowlegged hound, curiosity finally getting the better of her.

“Isn’t that the brand of cigarettes you smoke, Havoc?” Falman asks and nods at the burning ember between Havoc’s fingers.

“He’s not a cigarette!” Ed huffs, stamping his foot again but this time Winston takes no interest as he instead collapses on the floor beside him. His face smooshes to the tile and he makes a sound like a loud snore even though his eyes are still open and surveying the room. Ed stares down at him a moment then shakes his head. “He’s a bulldog. A very nice one--”

“Ed, if you wanted a dog why didn’t you get a puppy? They’re a lot less…intimidating.” Breda has moved to the far corner of the room and has his desk chair positioned between him and the harmless, grunting pile of wrinkles.

“I bet a puppy would be cuter too.” Kain pushes up his glasses as he leans forward to peer at Winston who’s leaning around to aggressively lick his back foot. “What was that? I’m telling you that thing just snorted. Or was it a…gargle?”

“I didn’t _want_ a puppy.” Ed runs his hand over his face in obvious irritation. “I didn’t want a dog! But he needed a home and Mustang has a yard….”

“Are you trying to say that thing is for the Chief?! Oh I can’t wait to see how this plays out.” Havoc drops his feet off his desk and leans forward, a mischievous look of glee on his face.

“Shut up, Havoc. You’re not helping.” Breda lifts a shaky hand to show the stout, bowlegged dog has moved to his feet and is shooting an intensely curious “bulldog look” in their direction.

“Edward, I’m not so sure the General would be interested in—” But before Hawkeye can finish her statement the door to Mustang’s office swings open and a surprised gasp can be heard.

“Is that him?” A broad grin spreads across Roy’s face which causes a look of confusion to spread over everyone else’s but Ed’s. Roy squats down and pats his thighs. “Come here. Come here buddy. Would you look at that face? Perfect submission and adoration.” Ed drops the leash and Winston trots over to his apparent new owner. Roy scratches over all the folds around his face then grins brightly up at Ed. “He’s perfect.”

Ed shrugs and walks forward, muttering “I told you so,” as he watches Roy be oblivious to everything but the happily snorting dog. Ed pauses at the door to Mustang’s office to give a smug look to all the doubters before turning and following Roy and Winston inside and closing the door.

The outer room is nothing but stunned silence until Havoc finally breaks it as he crushes out his cigarette. “Well, that has to be one of the most bizarre things I’ve seen in ages.”

“You don’t think he’ll be bringing it around all the time, do you?” Breda’s says with a higher pitched voice than usual.

“I don’t know. He was kinda cute…in an ugly kind of way.” Kain says as he stares at the closed door.

“I still say the creature sounds much more like a pig than a canine—”

“Alright, that’s enough.” Hawkeye gives the entire a room a stern look before sitting up straight at her desk. “We can all discuss the General’s questionable tastes in pets later.” She glances toward the door as another loud belch is heard even through the closed door. “For now, get back to work.”

“He really does seem to be a gassy thing, doesn’t he?”

“Havoc,” Hawkeye snaps, but there’s no missing the hint of amusement in her eyes.

“Yes ma’am,” Havoc salutes but the damage has already been done. No one will be focusing on anything but the closed door and the sounds of laugher and other bizarre noises coming from inside for the rest of the afternoon.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and concrit are always loved and appreciated. :-)


End file.
